Decisions

A couple of weeks ago, I booked tickets for The Invite. Then I canceled them.

Having AMC A-List makes this pretty easy. I pay a monthly fee, so if I make a reservation and cancel it, I’m not really losing any money. If I buy a ticket for someone else and cancel, I get that money refunded. There’s not much of a penalty for changing my mind.

And apparently, I like changing my mind.

I wanted to see Tony. I made a reservation for Tony. Then I canceled my reservation for Tony.

I never saw Tony.

Instead, I saw Camp Mesima, which I didn’t really like. Afterward, I wished I had gone to see Tony.

Which brings me to my current dilemma.

Last week, I decided I was going to work remotely on Friday. I can do my job remotely, and I had a plan for what I was going to accomplish.

Decision made.

Or so I thought.

Wednesday came around, and I started thinking, Maybe I shouldn’t work remotely Friday. Maybe I should just go in.

Nothing had really changed. There wasn’t anything pressing at work that suddenly required me to be there. I just started reconsidering a decision I had already made.

Now it’s Thursday.

And here’s the weird part.

Instead of planning Thursday, I’m planning Friday.

I have practically my whole Friday mapped out in my head. And the Friday I’m planning isn’t the version where I change my mind and go into work.

I’m planning the Friday where I work remotely.

That got me thinking.

Why am I already planning Friday when it’s Thursday?

Maybe my brain is trying to tell me something.

Hey, you already made this decision.

Maybe there’s a part of me trying to keep the commitment I made to myself last week. Maybe I’m planning Friday because, somewhere underneath all this reconsidering, I’ve already decided what I’m going to do.

Which raises another question:

How many times do I have to make the same decision?

Maybe changing my mind isn’t the problem. We should be able to change our minds. New information comes along. Circumstances change. Sometimes changing your mind is the smartest thing you can do.

But what if nothing has changed?

What if the only thing that’s changed is that I realized I can change my mind?

Maybe that’s part of the problem with having so much flexibility.

I can cancel the movie.

I can choose another showing.

I can work remotely.

I can go into work.

All those choices give me freedom, but they also give me the opportunity to keep making the same decision over and over again.

Maybe I need to start asking myself a different question when I feel the urge to reconsider something:

Has something actually changed, or am I changing my mind simply because I can?

I don’t know yet.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll have an answer.

Of course, tomorrow is Friday.

And apparently, I’ve already planned it.

What decision have you already made that you keep making?

Here, I made this. My gift to you, for taking the time to read.