Choices

When working with students with behavioral challenges, one effective technique is helping them separate their behavior from their emotions — and recognize that they have choices in how they respond. Many emotions don’t automatically dictate behavior.

For example, if a student flips a desk or curses someone out, you might say: “I notice that you’re angry. And when you were angry, you chose to curse someone out or flip that desk. What could you have done differently?” From there, you guide the student to generate their own alternatives — asking for a different assignment, requesting a break, or finding another constructive outlet. The message is clear: your anger is understandable, but within that anger, you still have choices.

The example I like to use is traffic. Traffic makes me angry — but if I start cursing or throwing things out the window, that’s a choice I made. Instead, I can choose to listen to a podcast or an audiobook. Those coping strategies bring the anger down and prevent a problem — traffic — from becoming your problem. The moment you start throwing things out the window, you’ve crossed that line.

This brings me to unwritten rules in sports. This past weekend, during the Timberwolves/Nuggets game, a Minnesota player scored late with the outcome already decided. Nikola Jokić immediately ran over and confronted him, and a melee broke out. Now, the Timberwolves player didn’t technically break any written rule — and while the debate quickly shifted to unwritten rules, I don’t think that’s really the point. Jokić was upset. That’s understandable. But choosing to confront and grab another player? That was a decision. He had other options and should have made one of them.

Don’t let your emotions dictate your behavior. You always have a choice.

Think about a recent moment when you felt a strong emotion — anger, frustration, embarrassment. Looking back, what choices did you actually have in how you responded, and what would you do differently now?