Selections

Observing without becoming emotionally involved in a situation can be challenging.

Last night, for example, I wanted to watch a movie — and picking the movie took a significant amount of time. I did a search around “best to stream right now,” then rotated between Amazon, Paramount, Apple TV, and back to Amazon. I paused to shame myself for having so many options, then reminded myself not to shame myself. Finally, I settled on the remake of The Running Man.

It made me think of when I wanted to watch a movie in high school, college, after college. I would go to a video store and rent a movie. I would wander the aisles looking for something, pick one, go home and watch it, hoping I would bring it back on time. A few times I became a fugitive from the video store — I checked out movies and forgot to bring them back. Now the video store is gone, and people miss them for some odd reason. Hmmm.

Back to the emotions. I can be sad about the loss of a video store and go find a small one. I can go to the library and rent DVDs — except I don’t have a DVD player anymore. But the nostalgia made me realize something: it is more than just picking a movie.

If the purpose is to watch a movie, I have plenty of options available. But something different lives inside the physical experience — something the digital search doesn’t quite replicate. The emotional feeling can override the purpose. Maybe the joy was never really in the watching. Maybe it was in the looking.

When the way you used to do something disappears, what are you actually grieving — the thing itself, or the feeling the ritual gave you?